The Best Parent Ever is better than you because their infant wears baby kneepads. Who knew crawling was such a hazardous activity for infants? Has the Best Parent Ever forsaken their understated Berbers for stylish wall-to-wall shards of glass? No, sadly, not yet. But that doesn’t mean they will avoid armor-plating their baby’s kneecaps. Wait […]

What does the Best Parent Ever have against cows? To enter a BPE household is to discover a world without dairy. There is soy milk, rice milk, and almond milk, along with similarly-derived cheese-like products that often have the epicurean appeal of toilet grouting. For most of us, there is either cheese or “Cheez,” preferably […]

The Best Parent Ever is better than you because they birthed their child in such a better way than you, which is why your child will fail at everything they will ever do. But not really. All your children will grow up to hate you by the time they are teenagers, whether they were expelled […]