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Monday, May 26th, 2008...6:06 pm

#36: Breastfeeding


The Best Parent Ever is better than you because they breastfeed. Well, not only do they breastfeed, but they scorn anyone who doesn’t breastfeed, and greet the mere mention of infant formula with the same revulsion reserved for genocidal maniacs and serial killers.

The truth is: everyone knows by now that breastfeeding is one of the best things a mother can do for their child. But infant formula is not rat poison. It is a lesser source of infant nutrition, yes, but it is not a game-ender. A good chunk of North America grew up exclusively on infant formula, and most of us didn’t turn out so bad… well, except for global warming and a world financial meltdown or two.

Do not tell this to the Best Parent Ever, though. Other than the Sun crashing into the Earth and killing us all, failing to breastfeed one’s child until they are well on their way to grammar school is perhaps the greatest crisis confronting the Best Parent.

So take that, milk-drained mom who just needs a break for one night! You can either pull out the leche luggers one more time, or let your child suffer a Similac-induced life of failure and futility. The “choice” is yours… Formula? Or Best Parent Ever.

For more “helpful” parenting tips, join the BPE Discussion Board!


  • As long as we’re supposed to be keeping score, I just want to point out that as an ivillage debate poster, I have never seen “kimbo” post there before so I’m not sure how representative of the board her post really is.

  • someone said: “dcz: You’re a fucking idiot.”

    Wow, you are really articulate. Your mama must be proud of you. You can say nasty words.

    Go pat yourself on the back. For being a mean, nasty potty mouth, as well as a Slacker Parent.

    God Bless.

  • Anecdotally-

    My mother had 4 children – all FF’d. My MIL had 5, all BF’d.

    All 9 of us attended or graduated from college (and finances are the only reason college was not completed by all 9). Three have horrendous allergies – they are the BF’d ones. 8 of us wear glasses – the only one who doesn’t was FF’d. All of us are generally healthy. And , otherwise, we’re all fairly equal. Formula didn’t make us stupid, fat, or ill.

    Sure, anecdotal evidence isn’t “proof.” But I prefer to base my life on real life experiences, not “studies.”

    I BF’d my 1st for 6 months. My 2nd for 11. And my 3rd for 6 weeks.

    I am honestly happiest with my FF baby. I *love* that my DH can help feed the baby. I can actually LOOK into my son’s eyes, instead of him looking at my boobs. I love that he sleeps on his own, instead of needing to be attached to me all night long (like my elder son).

    Do whatever you want to do. I’m pro *Feeding*, not method.

    Yes, people are very critical on EITHER side of the issue. What does it matter to you how I feed my child? My children are healthy and happy. So am I.

    Neither side should feel superior…

  • The Plural of Anecdote...
    June 17th, 2008 at 1:28 pm

    …is not “data.”

    While your life experiences are no doubt meaningful to you (and I’m glad your FF kids are doing so well, honestly!), you had no way of knowing when you made your choice how they would react to formula, so your life experiences were not based on real-life experiences OR studies at the time of the decision……

    Whoever said formula would make ANYONE stupid, fat or ill? This must be that faction of Storm Troopers that exists somewhere but nobody has ever seen. Sorta like the Tooth Fairy……(but it does sound like *you* are trying to make a case for kids who are breastfed having to wear glasses and eat Claritin for the rest of their lives, based on your anecdotes…..:-D )

    It almost sounds like you are basing your favoritism on your one child on how you fed him/her as an infant. That’s kinda weird.

    I’ve breastfed all my kids except the first (FF) for over 2 years, and none of them are (or were) attached to me all night long, and they don’t look into my boobs instead of my eyes!. Not sure where you got that this is what BF kids do, but whatever…..(I’d tell you all about my FF kid and how she is different from the others, but that’s just an anecdote and really has nothing to do with this issue at all…….)

    What does it matter to me what you feed your child you ask? It doesn’t. Why do *you* think it matters?

    As someone else mentioned a few days ago, to assume that an entire “side” feels superior is not accurate and a little silly, not to mention judgmental….. There *are* some people on both “sides” who seem to feel superior— but I suspect that this doesn’t have anything to do with how anyone feeds their baby and more to do with their own issues…..

  • This is the thread that will not end
    Yes,it goes on and on my friend
    Somebody started posting stuff
    It grew a great big crowd
    And they’ll continue posting crap forever just because
    This is the thread that will not end

  • calling such women a name that classes them with the worst mass murderers in human history? please.

    I just wanted to say that my coworker actually called herself this; nursing nazi is not my phrase.

  • Sorry, but while this discussion grows long, it was ended at post number 2.

    “a good rule in most discussions is that the first person to call the other a Nazi automatically loses the argument.”


  • Your oldest being attached to you during the night more than likely had little to do with BF. By saying that, you implied that BF babies are more attached to their mothers than bottle fed babies… and I doubt that is true.

  • Sahib – excellent point.

  • I used to be a breastfeeding advocate, but these days I don’t bother. All the information is readily available, and some women just insist on ignoring it. If they don’t care that they are raising their childrens’ risk for all kinds of illnesses, why should I? Less competition for my kids. 😛

  • I think people are missing the point on the “smarter” issue. The question is not whether a child will be smart or stupid; it’s merely whether a child will have a slightly higher IQ. So while a FF child may be quite smart, the point is not that he should be stupid according to the data, but that he *could have been* a bit smarter/had a slightly higher IQ.

    It’s such a small difference, though, that I don’t think it’s particularly meaningful. It is something nice that BF moms can feel good about, though. I think the other health benefits are more compelling than the small IQ boost.

  • On the “smarter” issue, the way I take it is not smart vs stupid either. It’s one more thing that makes it easier for them to reach their intellectual potential. Its not the be all end all and it doesn’t mean that a formula fed child can’t reach his intellectual potential anyway, but what it does mean is that the childs brain is getting the right building blocks in the right format. There is no better when it comes to nutrition during that stage of life. What follows later may help them meet their potential, or maybe they can’t, because there are tons of follow on decisions that also affect it too, but they don’t start off with any detractors from it.

  • I know a woman who fed her daughter goat milk. She graduated college at 16.

  • well, i was formula fed as were many of my generation, and i graduated summa cum laude from an ivy league college and im getting my MPH at a well known university near boston. im interested to know where you received your MPH, dcz? since you seem to be so well versed in epidemiological trends and all. im pretty sure that my malaria research will save more babies than your lactating rack, you self-righteous cow.

  • I, too, was formula fed and have tested as having an IQ of 164. One advantage I seem to have over you is that I feel no need to resort to name- calling. Maybe it’s the fact that I’ve breastfed my kids. Perhaps self-righteous cows gain some kind of intellectual advantage over people who aren’t blessed with a lactating rack.

  • I just love the way everyone seems to deliberately misread the posts of those they don’t agree with. Come on, all of you, stop deciding that you know what other people are thinking, or what others have been through.

    People who are forced to formula-feed due to medical problems (ie: lack of milk, necessary meds that are truly not compatible, etc.) should not be judged because of it. That is (should be) obvious to anyone. We can’t tell what lengths anyone else has gone to to establish breastfeeding unless we’re right there observing them.

    That said, however, I must admit that I do judge people who choose to formula feed because they… don’t feel like it, think it’s gross, want to get their figure back sooner (doesn’t often work), were formula fed and are fine, etc.. We’re supposed to do what’s best for our children, and not base doing so on what we “feel like” or how we look (or perceive we look). And aren’t we supposed to want our children to be more than just “fine”?

    All this about not judging others is a bunch of PC garbage. Everybody passes judgement on others every day, though they may not choose to say anything to the people. It’s human nature. We just don’t need to comment on it unless it’s something that can be amended, and/or is hurting another person (or animal, if you’re so inclined).

  • really, “other genius”? you really think that you didn’t just resort to name calling, too? get over yourself.

  • Sorry, where did I call anyone names? I simply used your words and applied them to myself. No need to get over myself….I’ve never been overly full of me. Have a lovely day.

  • LadyGodiva…..if you don’t like the bull shit that’s here why do you come back? You choose to come here. There is a little x at the top of your browser. If you see something you don’t like click it….and go away!

    dcz: ita w/elizabeth you ARE a fucking idiot. And ladies….please take your birth board forum crap back there. Or at least post a freaking link so we know what you’re talking about.

    we = is nosey

  • Well, thanks LMS, I now feel like utter CRAP for not being able to breastfeed.

    I had made peace with it, but after reading that 101 reasons list, I am feeling like the worst Mom ever.

  • To 'BESTworkingmomEVER
    June 28th, 2008 at 11:54 pm


    Go and take a peek.

  • Wow… I’ve not yet had kids, was starting to consider it and had no idea this world of parenting existed. Guess I thought I’d be welcomed into the club when I became pregnant, with lots of parents sharing their experiences to help me get through raising kids no matter what my choices, but apparently it has as many cliques as high school.

    I have to say I’m a little disheartened after reading the arguments of this post and about the competition that seems to exist among parents in the other blog topics on this board. Scary stuff.

    Personally, if I ever do have kids (which doesn’t sound very appealing after reading this), I probably would breastfeed since it has been proclaimed medically better for the child. But, since I was the only breastfed child (and organic fed) among my siblings and have the worst health/allergies/immune system among all of them, I will definitely not feel that my child has any guaranteed bill of health. Yes, yes, statistics say… but statistics failed me in my health. Doesn’t mean I won’t still bust my butt to BF, but there are no guarantees.

    Anyway, it makes me sad that when/if I do have kids, it sounds like I’ll either have to pick a side or be alone.

    It sounds like the one thing those mud hut parents in other countries have that we don’t is a community of support.

  • Incompetent, much? You really have issues. Yes, stuck up parents suck, but so do those people who put them down because it makes them feel better about their own laziness.

  • I swear this is my favorite parenting topic EVER–I will never tire of the fights that this topic causes. Imagine if everyone just fed their own babies and didn’t worry about what other people were doing? Since when, in this society, are people so concerned with the health and welfare of other peoples’ kids? A woman goes out for moms’ night and drives home drunk–nobody says a word; a parent rips their kid in public–nobody says a word; but you feed your baby a bottle and everyone feels compelled to go crazy because you’re not giving your baby the “best.”

    And how about the fact that breastmilk isn’t universally of top quality–it’s not like milk ducts have the power to extract drugs, alcohol, chemicals, smoke, etc. I’m sorry but I just don’t buy that in every single case breast milk is better than formula.

  • Well to whoever wrote this blog entry – I’d say the ensuing cat fight is proof that you hit the nail on the head!! LOL And as always happens, those who chose formula because they had no other choice were made to feel crappy. Nice one, fellow moms.

    We should all be above this kind of petty BS. We are adults. Grow the heck up.

    *stepping down off my soapbox*

  • Wow, this is funny. I think the blogger proved her point! :-) Congratulations to all you best parents ever! Maybe formula feeding is best because it doesn’t cause you to be a rude, stuck up, judgemental witch.

  • Buying formula is my way of helping the economy. Just doing my part for the greater good!

  • Well, where to start?

    “There is a reason women have breasts…….to feed babies, doesn’t make women who breastfeed Lacto-Nazis. ”

    Quite right. As Lady In Red said: It is in failure to accept the choices of women who believe differently than you that lactivists earn the Lacto-Nazi moniker. Not in that you are mass murders, but that you will not tolerate any dissent.

    “formula’s inferior. it’s a substitute when the real thing isn’t available. period. ”

    Actually, for us the prescription formula my child was put on saved his life. He was breastfed initially and nearly died. So I would say it was a first choice for us.

    “The ignorance some people have regarding formula vs. breastmilk is really sickening.”

    I agree, as demonstrated by the previous quote. The ignorance surrounding the situations in which women can’t breastfeed is sickening. We’re not all worried about the pertness of our breasts you know. Some of us are a little pre-occupied with other things, such as making sure our babies don’t die.

    “Formula is sub-standard”

    If that were the case, then why aren’t more first world babies dying from being fed it? If, as you stated, breast milk is simply the ‘standard’, then why do some breastfeeding mothers feel the need to place themselves on a pedestal above others, if what they’re doing is so, well, average?

    Perhaps when you stop lecturing, judging and demonising mothers who use formula (yes, even those who want to keep their ‘pert breasts’), then maybe they will start listening to you.

    You catch more flies with honey than vinegar.

  • Linda Barrett and other humorless types. Why do men have nipples?My breasts are for more than just breast feeding. btw I did breast feed. BUT I was not breast fed! I am not overweight, do not have ADD, am close to my mommy still after all these years. Hmmm. Guess you are clueless judgemental yumaless and wrong. I’m ok are you?

  • I chose not to breastfeed. I had terrible anxiety and panic attacks about the thought before my first son was born- and had a horrific delivery requiring all kinds of narcotic painkillers after, which would have prevented me from breast feeding anyway. I’ve met a TON of people like those described here who acted like I should have just let my kids be raised by wolves instead of using formula… so this cracked me up. :)

  • You know though, breastfeeding moms get it too. They get it for going past a year. They get it for nursing in public. They get kicked out of restaurants and off of airplanes. Good grief, I’m TERRIFIED of flying with my almost three year old because she’s still nursing and she may want to nurse and goodness forbid I do, I’ll probably get kicked off and not be able to move to South Korea with my husband!

    Both sides get it so those who feel attacked by those they feel are lacto-nazis, boob-nazis, etc, let me tell you you are not the only ones to catch heck for how you raise your child. I have been told I was SICK because my daughter was two and still nursing. I’ve seen things online comparing breastfeeding a toddler to pedophilia. I see the You-tube video of the mom nursing her seven year old all over the internet and all of the derogatory comments regarding that.

    Both sides get it. Thing is, formula feeding moms are in the majority. There are FAR more formula feeding moms than there are breastfeeding moms, especially by the six month point so why do things like this crop up online? It doesn’t help. It only continues to alienate the two groups from each other.

    And I will admit, no I don’t push breastfeeding on other moms for the most part. If they don’t want to do it, they won’t succeed at it anyway and breastfeeding can be VERY hard. I know! For me, I was in pain for the first 14/15 weeks. HORRIBLE pain! I got through it but it wasn’t easy and I wanted to quit many times. My husband though wasn’t going to hear of it and when I was a baby I did NOT do well on formula. In fact, I had so many issues on it, my mom put my younger sister on raw goat’s milk INSTEAD of formula. My niece and nephew also did not do well on formula. In fact, my niece who is three STILL has issues with constipation due to the formula she was on. It was established that it was the formula because she was fine on the first one but when my sister was forced to switch due to WIC, my niece then started having problems. She’s on medication due to severe constipation issues and my sister fully plans to breastfeed this one.

    I will also admit, I feel pretty dang lonely being a breastfeeder, especially nursing a toddler. They’re aren’t very many of us around. I do it though because her health is important and breastfeeding is one of the best things I can do for her health. She also has never had fast food (she’s 33 months now), and her dad and I tend to limit if not totally keep out a lot of the junk food most kids are exposed to. She drinks mostly water and if she does get cow’s milk it is raw. Her eating habits are important not just while she’s breastfeeding but even after she weans, it will be important that she eats foods that will help her immune system and avoid those that compromise it like excess sugar (especially high fructose corn syrup).

    Comparing a child who got one year of breastfeeding to a child who got one year of formula and then both going to the typical American diet, no you’re probably not going to see that many differences. But there are many of us who not only breastfeed as long as possible but continue to make nutrition very important even after the child has wean not because we want to be super parents or something (cause there is no such thing, no parent is perfect) but because the health of our child is VERY important and the best way to achieve optimum health is by giving the child a diet that is as unprocessed as possible. Breastfeeding is just one of the ways to do that.

  • Perfect response Janeen. And why do people think I am evil because I don’t give my kid McDonald’s or coke? My baby, too, loves water and fruits.

    As far as my baby was concerned, I did both. I set out to breast feed for at least the first year. It proved to be harder than I thought. My mom bf all five of us and made it look so easy. I thought I could do it standing on my head. Boy was I wrong. I lasted the first 3 months on breast milk alone before I started supplementing with formula. By 5 months I had completely made the switch to formula. It broke my heart but, as week as this sounds, it was just so hard. Between a full-time school schedule, working a part-time job (after only 2 weeks maternity leave), and my own health issues I was dealing with, I just could not keep up.

    I try not to beat myself up too much. I know that I did the best I could do at the time for my baby. However, if I ever decide to have another, it will be all breast milk since I will be better prepared as what to expect. The thing is, I don’t try to convince others to breast feed because I know how hard it is, even for the most pro-breast feeders (like myself who truly believe in the benefits), to stick to. And I know that if you don’t really believe in it then you won’t do it much longer than a week anyway. So, why waste my breath?

    To all the mothers who breast feed… Great Job! You deserve a pat on the back. You deserve congratulations and support from all of us, breast feeders and formula feeders alike. It is hard, exhausting work, which never seems to end. AND IT IS A BIG DEAL. I admire you for giving so much of yourself for your baby. Keep up the good work. Sincerely, you are on your way to becoming the best parent ever. Thanks, we need more parents who lead by example instead of criticizing others so they feel better about the choices they made.

  • I was going to breastfeed. No ifs ans buts. Couldn’t wait. Then my first son was still born 9 months. Suddenly having my next child being born alive was more important than how I was going to feed him. My second son was born 4 weeks early. He was in NICU. They had to feed him IV due to low blood sugar, then feeding tube. I went down there with a lactation specialist and we tried but with no real milk coming in yet we had to start formula because too low blood sugar can cause brain damage in preemies. Against my will and even had a fight with the doc. I pumped 8 times a day around the clock. Then after about 10 days of being home, pumping, feeding bottles and attemtping breastfeeding, exhaustion, anxiety developed. Possibly from the stress of what had happened year before, then having to deal with pumping and feeding separately (like feeding the kid double) I had to finally give it up. I went on med for post partum anxiety/depression that i felt would be unhealthy to breastfeed with meds in the breastmilk. I hated myself and what i had to do. I spent a lot of time trying to forgive myself. I even considered re-lactation. A good friend of mine is affiliated with le leche league. one day, when my baby was about 9 months old I was making a bottle and her son then 6( breastfed til 3 years old) said, “what is that?” I said it was the babys formula. She said ,”my mommy says formula is bad.” I wanted to crawl in a hole. I just said, ” I would never give my baby something I thought was bad.” oh and her kids, one was anemic by age 1, both had wooping cough, they get sick all the time, one didn’t talk until 3 1/2 and not potty trained until almost 4. She is a great mom all around ,but breastfeeding did not make the difference between how well or healthy her kids turned out. my son is super smart and wonderful. He did everything early. I still believe in breastfeeding but women who don’t should not be judged.

  • I am a huge breastfeeding advocate. I had problems from the beginning and used every resource I could to continue breastfeeding. At 10 months I finally gave up because even with perscription medication I could not produce enough milk. I supplemented with formula and my milk stopped completely after a while. I hate formula, I think formula companies are evil. But formula is a neccessary evil.

    That being said, I don’t judge women who formula feed, but I DO judge women that formula feed and spout off a bunch of false information with the intentions of making them look/feel better about thier choice.

  • This is late to the party…but…

    I think we can all agree that every woman has a different experience in pregnancy, delivery, breastfeeding or not, etc. This conversation is sad because it seems as though almost everyone has taken a side and cannot relate to the others opinion.

    When are we as women going to support each others choices? I breastfed both my children for 1 year, neither ever had formula. I’m no hero, it just worked for us. My first experience was very difficult (cracked nipples, poor latching, 99percentile-big-hungry baby, constant feedings, mastitis, bitchy lactation consultant tugging my boob like I was a cow- very shocking for this shy mom). It sucked. But it eventually got better, much better. I’m sure in the end it was much easier for me than for Mom’s formula feeding.
    By my second child, I knew so much more, it was easy from the minute she was born.

    I have watched my sister-in-laws and many friends try to breastfeed and go to formula. From my experience and witnessing theirs, the biggest challenge to successful breastfeeding (when a woman wants to, but is unable to) is all of the bad advice a new mother gets, especially from nurses in the hospitals. Look, in the hospital, a bottle-fed baby is much happier, sleeps better and longer, and it is much easier on the new mother to not have to do battle with her breast after just giving birth. I have seen nurses tell women, “you need to feed that baby formula, now” within hours of delivery. Honestly, they would much rather not have to help you figure out how to breastfeed.

    Add to this the fact that we as women think we should instictively know how to breastfeed, we feel ashamed that it proves to be so difficult. It isn’t easy, it’s not a natural instinct, IT CAN EVEN BE PAINFUL. We are used to our breast as an object of desire and suddenly some childless nurse who never breastfed is pulling on your nipple and making you feel like a bad mom because you’re not doing it right.

    It’s no surprise so many women give up breastfeeding altogether. Let’s try to support other women, whatever they decide to do.

    Two side notes:

    Breastfeeding releases oxytocin into a mothers bloodstream and it very calming. It helps overstressed, sleep-deprived new moms to handle the stress. It is the second best reason to breastfeed after for the benefit to the child.

    I’ve noticed that the same women who register for both nursing and bottlefeeding supplies end up having difficulty breastfeeding and give up shortly after starting breastfeeding. I believe this is because women who secretly don’t want to breastfeed are forced to “try” it by all of this overly pro-breastfeeding talk. Women should just be able to say, “No I will not be breastfeeding.” And let the conversation end there, no pressure. Breastfed is best, but like someone else said formula isn’t rat poison. Let’s all get over ourselves and support each other. “Can’t we all just get along?”

  • What happens to the kid when the mother has an IQ of about 90…does he still become the next Einstein because he was bf? This argument makes no logical sense. How can you quantify the effects of bf on IQ, given all the other factors involved?
    But hey, if it makes you feel good…

  • FFS, are there really people out there with no lives who actually care whether a baby is breastfed or formula fed? WTF? I figure, as long as the baby’s being fed, what’s the fucking difference? And all of you people demonizing formula and those who use it — you better watch what you say very carefully, because there are a lot of us out there who were only fed formula who are all nice and grown and reading your cockamamie bullshit about how we’re all supposed to be brain-dead losers because apparently we were fed — what was it you said, “rat poison”? Excuse me, since when did you get your master’s degrees in chemistry and nutrition that you could make those informed assessments?

    Fact is, I was adopted and my Real Mom had diabetes and a whole host of other medical problems. I would have been one ungrateful baby bitch had I refused the formula I was given. (The same formula that the adoption agency recommended, the very agency that seriously scrutinized my parents and their household for 6 months before and after the adoption was finalized — when would any of you “breastfeeding only” birth moms be willing to submit yourselves to the same scrutiny?) I feel I have every fucking right in the world to point myself out as a living example of how beneficial formula is. I work in a highly technical field and am pursuing my Ph.D., and am taking good care of my Real Mom as her health needs increase. I read at a 6th grade level in kindergarten and was a National Merit Scholar finalist in high school.

    Formula children such as myself can and do turn out fabulously! It has nothing to do with breast milk vs. formula and everything to do with *takes deep breath* making sure we’re well fed throughout our growing-up years, caring about us, making sure we’re well educated, instilling in us the proper amount of discipline, making sure we know to behave like proper ladies/gentlemen, taking an interest in what we like to do, being supportive of us while at the same time expecting us to respect you, and you setting the right example yourself with your own words and deeds.

    One more thing: Would I have wanted someone else’s breast milk? Fuck no. My formula was special because it was my Real Parents’, bought with their money and prepared and given by them.

  • “That being said, I don’t judge women who formula feed, but I DO judge women that formula feed and spout off a bunch of false information with the intentions of making them look/feel better about thier choice.”

    You are a BIG part of the fucking problem!

    Women ‘spout off false information’ to shut judgmental losers like you up already.

    They’re sick of some moron, who doesn’t know the first thing about their circumstances, making value judgments on their feeding choices.

    Get over yourself and realise that you don’t have a say in the feeding decisions of other mothers! Take your ‘judgment’ and stick it where the sun don’t shine…….

  • I’m going to quote some comments and translate them for you.

    LMS- “look at the rates of childhood disorders and weight issues.”

    Prove those are directly connected to formula and that will not be irrelevant. Prove it without some stupid site.

    Angie- “when my boys are teenagers and adults i know that i will see the benefits of having breastfed them ”

    translation: “I am better than you.”

    Mati- “after they’ve weaned, they’ll be less likely to have allergies and asthma; when they’re teenagers, the higher IQ will matter; when they’re in their 20s, it will be easier for them to maintain a healthy weight; when they’re fifty, they’ll be at less risk for diabetes and cancer.”

    Thank you. You must be a scientist or doctor who works in a laboratory. I don’t believe you would quote one of those stupid Lacto-Nazi sites…

    also, translation: “My kids are going to be better than your kids…I love my kids more than you love your kids….therefore, I am better than you.”

  • ok…for all you people that argue FOR breastfeeding….I agree that yes it has many benefits but I hate it when people think that you have to breastfeed to get a stronger bond with you child. Bull….when your passing out because nursing drains you and your baby ends up latched on for hours because you’re sleeping…you don’t bond. Actually you feel farther away from knowing your baby.

  • I know someone here said that they don’t like hearing sob stories of how other people tried to BF but then didn’t because “they didn’t try hard enough.”

    The majority of women who breastfeed latch that baby on from day 1 and that baby nurses like a champ for however long. For many of us, it is not like that. That is why I am SO SICK AND TIRED of being judged based on the fact that I FF my dd. Did you try for 3 MONTHS to get your dd to latch on correctly (which, btw, she obviously never did!), all the while pumping 10x a day just to maintain supply?

    Ask my hubby if I didn’t try hard enough. Look at the pics I took of my nipples with dime size ulcers imbedded in them and tell me I didn’t try hard enough. (which, btw, still aren’t healed!) And don’t forget about the depression and the resentment that had started to build up towards my child because she simply just wouldn’t latch correctly. And also the 10+ lactation consultant appts, toward the end of which they told me, “Well, I don’t know what else to tell you!”

    I cried the entire time my dd had her first bottle of formula.

    Seriously, some of us mothers really DID try to BF. We gave it our all, but it was out of our control. You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make her drink.

    So please, get off your high BF horse and please try to understand that it really does HURT when people say “Well, you didn’t just try hard enough.”

    (I know it sounds stupid, but its the damn truth)

  • Suey – I feel for you. It’s really not fair that you felt you had to try for 3 months to do the impossible. I wish someone had just said, “Formula is not the end of the world” after a couple weeks! It is a double whammy to first feel that kind of pressure as a new parent, and then to feel hurt because it wasn’t going to happen. If there wasn’t such zealotry around breastfeeding, those months could have been time for you to bond with your dd and just enjoy motherhood. You have every right to feel hurt by the “not trying hard enough” comments! Your situation is a prime example of how breastfeeding or bottle-feeding a child is no one’s business but your own.

  • What I find funny is that when I bottlefed my girl my breastmilk, nursing nazis still bitched! What the hell is there to yell about?! The kid is still getting the nutrition.

  • nomoreexcuses – if the mother and formula-fed baby you were slamming were born 500 years ago, that baby would have died – or, if the mother were born in the right social class, she’d have got a wet-nurse in. She certainly wouldn’t have been ‘guaranteed’ to be successful at breastfeeding; how on earth can you say that with such certainty? If the mother lived in abject poverty and already had 5 kids she may even have chosen to LET the baby die, because the harsh reality is that 500 years ago, more babies were born because people didn’t have ways of preventing pregnancy than because their parents actively wanted them.

    And yes, I am one of those terrible mothers who formula-fed my child after 2 weeks, because the poor kid was losing weight fast due to my not producing enough milk, no matter how many hours a day I spent pumping and trying to feed her from the breast and listening to her scream in frustration because she was latching on fine, sucking away, but NOTHING WAS COMING OUT. I didn’t want to give up, but what was I going to do, let her starve to death?! Nowadays I am of the opinion that good mothers ensure their child gets fed, by whatever means necessary. Screw what other people think of this philosophy; I’m more concerned that children get adequate nourishment for their growth.

    Note to the fanatics: my daughter is now nearly 3, has no asthma, eczema or allergies, is in the ‘normal’ weight range and is considered extremely intellectually advanced for her age by every health professional and education provider she’s ever come into contact with.