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Entries from May 2008

Monday, May 26th, 2008

#36: Breastfeeding

The Best Parent Ever is better than you because they breastfeed. Well, not only do they breastfeed, but they scorn anyone who doesn’t breastfeed, and greet the mere mention of infant formula with the same revulsion reserved for genocidal maniacs and serial killers. The truth is: everyone knows by now that breastfeeding is one of […]

Thursday, May 22nd, 2008

#35: Secret Tummy Tucks

The Best Parent Ever is better than you because they have a flatter stomach. It’s that simple. This is because the Best Parent Ever’s skin is like flesh-colored spandex, magically snapping back into place after being stretched outward several feet by a kicking, punching fetal Sumo or two. And cosmetic surgery had NOTHING whatsoever to […]

Monday, May 19th, 2008

#34: Overdressing at the Playground

There are two kinds of moms in the world: those who wear sweats in public, and the Best Parent Ever, who would never be caught outside the house in anything but full make-up, designer clothes, and heels. Of course, some may admire the Best Parent’s effort to overcome the saggy-baggy doldrums of motherhood while on […]